Bohemian Day Care
by All-Knowing-Oracle
Summary: Set during RENT.The Bohemians find themselves having to look after Mark's 5 nieces and nephews for a whole weekend...can they handle it?
1. Chapter 1

_**Bohemian Day Care**_

**Chapter One**

"_Hey little brother! It's Cindy! Are you there? Mark, I know you're there, pick up the phone. MARK! PICK UP THE PHONE! MARK THOMAS COHEN! MMAAAARRRRKKK!_"

"Mark, would you pick up the damn phone before the answering machine explodes!"

"I'm coming!"Mark Cohen ran out of the bathroom where he had been brushing his teeth, over to the phone. He picked it up grudgingly. "What!"There was a pause as he waited for the response from his older sister. His roommate, Roger Davis, was sitting across the loft that they shared as roommates, strumming a soft tune on his guitar. He watched as Mark's face went from annoyed, to surprised...to horrified.

"Are you KIDDING me, Cindy! Please tell me you aren't serious...you can't expect us to–Cindy! This is absurd! No way, nuh uh, not in a million–what? Oh no. You're not gonna start crying are you? Oh man...Cindy relax! I didn't...I never said that! I do _not _hate you, Cindy. Don't you tell mom I–Cin! Stop! Okay okay! I'm sorry! But _Cindy_...come on! What do you expect me to do with them for a weekend? You know I'm busy! I have a roommate you know, Roger doesn't want them running all around the loft! Yes, I understand you're busy too...OKAY! I don't need to know _what _you and Rich are busy WITH Cindy! Look, I just...but we...I can't..." Mark let out a huge sigh, looking as if someone was standing there holding a gun to his head. "Fine. Sure. _Whatever_. Just make sure you get home ASAP or they're out on the street Sunday night, no joking! Yeah, I know you love me...BYE!"And Mark slammed the phone down, letting out a huge groan. Roger watched his best friend as he walked over to the wall and began bashing his head into it repeatedly, tossing his toothbrush onto the floor.

"What was that all about?"he asked curiously.

"_Cindy_..."Mark moaned.

"What's she doing now? Getting a divorce?"Roger guessed, playing around with his guitar strings.

"Even worse. She and Rich are going on their 10th anniversary cruise,"Mark replied. Roger frowned.

"What's so bad about that?"he asked.

"They're leaving their _FIVE KIDS_ with _me_!"Mark cried miserably. Roger's guitar made a horrible sound as his fingers slipped. He stared up at Mark in utter disbelief.

"With you? As in, with _us_? As in five kids staying _here_ with _us_ for a _weekend_!"he demanded. Mark nodded solemnly.

"WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?"Roger shouted, placing his guitar down and jumping up.

"I don't know! I was all set against it!...and then she started crying, and she knows I hate it when she cries like that..."Mark explained.

"Mark, you're my best friend, but...you have officially _lost your mind_!"Roger snapped. "What are we supposed to do with FIVE kids?"Mark shrugged.

"Well...one's a baby, so that's one less kid to entertain...kind of..."he said.

"A _baby_? Mark, we don't know anything about _babies_!"Roger pointed out.

"I know we don't! But shouldn't Mimi, or Maureen or Joanne? I mean, they're girls, girls are good with babies, right?"Mark asked.

"You're going to trust Maureen Johnson with a baby?"Roger asked skeptically.

"We're going to need any help we can get! We'll call everyone over...with the six of us together it shouldn't be too hard to keep the kids busy,"Mark said. Roger shook his head.

"This is insane..."he sighed.

"I know...but we're stuck, Roger!"Mark replied. "I've always been there for you! Can't you please just help me out for _one_ weekend?"Roger looked at Mark, who was practically down on his knees pleading by then. He let out a deep breath.

"I am never gonna let you forget this!"he said. Mark grinned, jumping up and hugging Roger. Roger froze, looking at his crazed friend.

"Uh Mark..."he said. Mark quickly let go.

"Right...sorry..."he said awkwardly. There was a pause. "Can we just forget that ever happened?"

"Yeah,"Roger said, nodding.

"Okay. So, ready to break the news to the others?"

* * *

**Okay, this is my second RENT fic, and I'm very excited to be writing more RENT! Haha I always tried to imagine what it would be like to have Roger and Mark and them trying to take care of little kids, so that's how I came up with this story. I hope you like it!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

**A/N: Okay, I just want you all to know that when I refer to Angel, I refer to him as 'she' or 'her', even though technically Angel's a boy. But they all refer to her as a girl, so I figured I would too, to make things simpler. Just didn't want to confused anyone!**

"Heyyyyyy boys!"Saturday morning, Maureen Johnson came dancing into the loft, Joanne Jefferson behind her lugging a pile of kids toys and baby supplies. Maureen twirled around, tossing her purse onto the couch, pulling her coat off and dropping it on the floor.

"_Maureen_! You're already not setting a good example!"Mark cried, picking up her coat.

"Are the little angels here yet?"Maureen asked.

"No, they should be here any minute though,"Mark said, putting Maureen's coat on the couch as he and Roger rushed to help Joanne with all the luggage.

"Maureen and I found a ton of stuff that we thought might be helpful,"Joanne explained.

"Thanks, I really appreciate that you guys came over,"Mark said.

"How old are they again?"Maureen asked, wandering around the loft, playing with all sorts of things she shouldn't be playing with.

"The oldest is Thomas, he's seven. Then there's the twins Sam and Kristy, they're five, then there's Lucy, she's three, and the baby, Greta, she's like, five months or something,"Mark explained, placing some of the toys down on one of the chairs.

"Jeeze, it would suck to have the name Greta,"Maureen commented as she flipped through some pictures that were on the counter. "It's such a...weird name."

"Well gee Maureen, there's a great way to bring up the kid's self esteem,"Mark snapped.

"I'm just _saying_..."Suddenly there was a knock on the door. Mark sighed.

"That's them. Okay, from this point on, I want you all on your best behavior!"he instructed. The others all nodded. Mark opened the door...and was immediately leapt on by a young red-headed woman.

"Oh thank you thank you thank you Mark!"she squealed. Mark nearly stumbled backwards.

"Yeah, any time Cindy..."he muttered, pushing the woman off of him. Cindy was a very perky-looking red-head with a big, obviously bleached smile, and a fancy outfit that did not fit in with what all the others were wearing. She looked around the loft, her smile fading a little.

"Well this is a..._nice_ little place,"she commented, obviously not wanting to sound rude, but failing in that department. "So, you're sure the kids will be safe here?"

"Oh yeah, I've got the gang here to help look after them,"Mark said, motioning to his friends. Maureen stepped forward.

"Hi, I'm Maureen Johnson!"she greeted, hand outstretched. Cindy's grin disappeared altogether as she looked Maureen over, obviously remembering the name...

"Oh. Right. The one who dumped Mark when..."She eyed Joanne suspiciously. Maureen's grin remained plastered on her face, though it turned into more of a grimace.

"Yeah. That's me,"she replied, putting her hand down. Mark quickly stepped in between them.

"So, great, we'll take good care of the kids!"he said.

"Um, right...kids!"Cindy called. Four kids came dashing into the loft quickly, all adorable looking little red-heads, except the oldest boy who had blonde hair. Then a tall, smiling man holding a baby entered.

"Mark, you remember Rich,"Cindy said, motioning to the man. Mark grinned awkwardly.

"Uh...hi Rich. Nice to see you again..."he greeted, having no recollection of ever meeting this man before in his life. Rich just continued to grin.

"You too, Matt!"he said, patting him on the back. Mark stumbled forward a little from the force of the pat.

"Er, it's _Mark_..."Rich handed the baby over to Mark, quickly wrapping his arm around Cindy.

"Well, thanks again Mark!"Cindy said. "We really appreciate you and all your friends doing this for us. I'm sure the kids will have fun with–"

"Hey there, bitches!"Tom Collins and Angel Dumont-Schunard suddenly came pushing past Cindy and Rich into the loft, arms around each other, grinning widely. Angel was in her complete ensemble, go-go boots, mini-skirt and all.

"_Collins_! Watch your language!"Angel scolded, giggling a little. Cindy and Rich were gawking at Angel in utter shock.

"Is that a...?"

"Okay, have fun, bye, see you later!"Mark cried quickly, shoving them out the door and slamming it.

The four kids remained close to their Uncle Mark, staring in awe at the group of bohemians sitting around the loft. Roger was sitting on the floor, trying to figure out a little Sesame Street keyboard. Joanne was trying to heat up some baby formula in the kitchen. Maureen was laying on the couch, still flipping through pictures. Collins was happily taking swigs of vodka as Angel played with her clothes in the mirror.

"Hun, does this skirt make my butt stick out?"Angel asked Collins, who turned around.

"Isn't it supposed to?"he asked, grinning a little. Angel giggled, slapping Collins playfully. Collins laughed, kissing Angel, and the kids all exchanged shocked looks.

"How you do figure this fuckin' thing out?"Roger demanded, bashing the little toy against the ground angrily.

"Mark, does your microwave even work!"Joanne called. Right then, little Greta woke up...and began screeching. Mark winced.

"Oh God..."he moaned. "Shhh! Don't cry! We're not that scary, really! Well, okay, Maureen is pretty scary..."

"HEY!"Mark felt a tug on his pant leg. He looked down to see Thomas looking up at him worriedly. He motioned for Mark to come within earshot. Mark bent down a little...

"Is that a boy or a girl?"Thomas whispered, motioning to Angel. Mark sighed.

"...both,"he decided to reply. Thomas looked terribly confused, but Mark just smiled. "Why don't you go play with Roger?"

"Which one is that?"Thomas asked.

"The one...bashing toys on the floor,"Mark said, noticing just how odd his roommate looked at the moment.

"He looks kind of crazy,"Thomas replied.

"Yeah...he is,"Mark said, nodding. Greta was now not only wailing but kicking and clawing at Mark as well. "Look, I have to go take Greta over to Joanne. You guys start getting settled in!"And Mark ran away. The four kids looked around...Then the twins grinned at each other.

"I wanna play with the girly man!"

"No, it's a manly girl!"And that was the start of the Bohemian Day Care.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

"Hey guys!"Mimi showed up about ten minutes later...dressed in about the most inappropriate outfit a babysitter could possibly wear. The twins were getting piggy backs from Angel and Collins, while Maureen showed Lucy some pictures on the couch, and Thomas was sitting, crouched in a corner, watching Roger beat up the toys. Mark and Joanne were in the kitchen, trying to get the microwave to work as Greta hollered and sobbed in Mark's arms.

"Joanne! How do you make it stop screaming like this!"Mark moaned.

"You FEED her!"Joanne growled, examining the microwave. "When was the last time you guys _used _this thing?"

"Hey Roger!"Mark called."When was the last time we used the microwave?"

"I think it was last Halloween, when we put all the silverware in there to see if it would blow up,"Roger replied, as he shook Barney's First Guitar in the air.

"Oh yeah! Haha, that was awesome..."Mark laughed. He caught Joanne's disapproving look, and quickly stopped laughing.

"Oh my God..."Joanne sighed, returning to the microwave.

"Hey babe!"Mimi greeted, skipping over and getting down next to Roger.

"Hey..."Roger grunted, examining the plastic guitar thoroughly. Mimi frowned.

"Well, I see you've taken up a new form of guitar..."she commented. Roger looked up, suddenly realizing how odd he looked. He put the toy down.

"Uh...Mark's nieces and nephews are here for the weekend,"he explained.

"I was wondering where all the cuties came from!"Mimi said. She smiled over at Thomas, who was still crouched in the corner nervously. She waved. "Hey honey! What's your name?"Thomas stared at her, wide-eyed, for a second.

"Thomas,"he finally muttered softly.

"What a nice name! How old are you?"Mimi continued.

"Seven,"Thomas squeaked, as if Mimi would attack him if he answered incorrectly.

"Oh, you're so grown up! You wanna come play with me and Roger, Thomas?"Mimi asked, motioning to Roger, who offered an awkward grin. Thomas shook his head vigorously. Mimi sighed, smile fading.

"Okay then..."

* * *

"Joanne! It tried to bite me!"Mark shrieked.

"Okay, first of all, _it_ is a she, Mark. And second of all, she doesn't even have any teeth!"Joanne pointed out.

"She hates me already Joanne!"Mark whined.

"Oh, shut up! Your whining is worse than the baby's!"Joanne snapped.

* * *

"See this, Lucy?"Maureen was saying, showing a picture to Lucy. Mimi grinned, nudging Roger.

"Look!"she said, pointing at Maureen and Lucy. "They're getting along. Isn't that cute?"Roger nodded.

"Who knew Maureen would be so good with kids?"he said.

"This is a picture of me when I was so drunk I took my shirt off. Now, someday you're going to get very drunk too, but I want you to remember, NEVER take your shirt off in front of a bunch of boys, okay? Unless they're paying you lots of money..."

"MAUREEN!"

* * *

"How come you wear dresses if you're a boy?"Sam asked Angel, who was hauling him around the loft on her back.

"I like dresses better than pants,"Angel replied simply.

"But boys aren't 'upposed to wear dresses!"Sam said.

"Well, girls can wear pants. Why can't boys wear dresses?"Angel asked. Sam stopped, thinking about this.

"You mean, I can wear dresses, just like Kristy?"he asked.

"Of course you can!"Angel assured him. Sam nodded, seeming to like this idea.

"I should tell my daddy about that. I don't think he knows boys could wear dresses!"he explained. Angel just laughed, continuing to carry Sam around.

* * *

Meanwhile, Kristy was sitting cross legged on the ground across from Collins, who was leaning against the wall.

"Whatcha drinking?"she asked, as Collins took a swig from his flask.

"Vodka,"Collins answered. Kristy watched him take another gulp.

"Is it good?"she asked.

"Ooooh yes!"Collins said, laughing a little. Kristy watched him take a long gulp.

"...can I have some?"Collins stopped, thinking about that for a good two seconds...

"Why not! You might as well try some now then at some party when you're older, right?"He began pouring some vodka for Kristy, when Mark caught sight of him.

"COLLINS! STOP!"he hollered. Still clutching the screeching Greta, he dashed over to Collins, snatching the flask from him. "Collins, do NOT give vodka to the children!"

"It was just a sip!"Collins insisted.

"Uncle Mark! I was gonna taste the good juice!"Kristy whined.

"Uh, there is lots more juice in the fridge. Why don't you ask Maureen over there to go get you some?"Mark said, pushing Kristy off towards Maureen.

"Oh, Lucy, look! It's a picture of me and your Uncle Mark!"Maureen was saying, to the three year old. Kristy was now leaning over the couch, also looking at the picture. She frowned.

"How come you have your tongue in his mouth like that?"Mark nearly dropped the baby as he whirled around.

"_Maureen_! Put those away RIGHT NOW!"he ordered, running over quickly to grab the pictures. Angel came skipping over to Collins, Sam still hanging off her back.

"Hey babe, how's it going?"Collins asked, kissing Angel's cheek. Sam frowned.

"Aren't you both boys?"he asked curiously.

"Yes,"Angel replied.

"Then why do you kiss? Are you brothers?"Sam questioned. Collins and Angel exchanged glances.

"You could say that..."

So Mark rushed around frantically, as his friends made no attempts to change their behaviors to take care of these kids. So far, things were NOT off to such a great start...


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

"Hey Thomas, doesn't this look like _fun_?"Mimi called over. She and Roger had been spending the whole morning trying to get Thomas out of the corner to come play with them. Thomas merely continued to shake his head. He was almost humoring them now...

"Mimi, face it. _Nothing_ is going to get that kid out of the corner. I say we just leave him there for the week-end,"Roger sighed.

"No! He's _going _to come play with us..."Mimi said, determinedly.

"Good luck with that,"Roger said, getting up and walking over to his guitar, which was lying next to the couch. Mimi rolled her eyes, but continued to harass Thomas...

* * *

"Joanne, can't you _please_ hold this baby for a little while?"Mark moaned. Joanne pulled her head from the microwave.

"Mark, I'm kind of busy right now. Is it really that bad?"she sighed.

"YES! She _hates _me!"Mark insisted. Joanne shook her head.

"You need to grow up a little, Mark,"she replied.

"But _Joanne_–"

"Walk her around a little! Talk to her, bounce her...keep her busy!"Joanne instructed. Mark sighed, and began bouncing Greta as he walked around the loft.

"Shut up, shut up, _please _shut up..."he chanted to the baby as he wiggled her all about, marching around...

* * *

"Did you used to be married to my Uncle Mark?"Kristy asked Maureen, who was braiding her hair. Maureen laughed.

"Not exactly. We were boyfriend and girlfriend,"she explained.

"How come you aren't any more?"Kristy asked.

"Well Kristy, have you ever heard the word 'lesbian'–"Maureen began.

"END OF DISCUSSION, MAUREEN!"Mark called across the loft...which caused Greta to start wailing again. "Oh shit!"

* * *

"Hey Thomas, what do you want to be when you grow up?"Mimi asked. She was now kneeling within inches of him. Thomas was backed even further into the corner(if that was at all possible)

"I don't know,"he mumbled.

"Aw, sure you do! What does your daddy do?"Mimi asked.

"He's a lawyer,"Thomas replied.

"Really? Wow! I bet you want to be like your daddy when you grow up, don't you?"Mimi asked. Thomas shook his head.

"No,"he said. Mimi frowned.

"You...don't?"she asked.

"No,"Thomas repeated.

"Well, who do you want to be like?"she asked. Thomas shrugged, turning his gaze away from Mimi and looking over at Roger, who was now strumming on his guitar again. Mimi sighed. This was harder than she had imagined...

* * *

Sam and Kristy had become bored with Angel, Collins and Maureen after a few hours...and had decided to move onto their Uncle Mark. Unfortunately, he was rather busy running around screaming "Shut up, shut up" to Greta as she screeched at him. Joanne was still working on the broken microwave, Roger would not talk to them, and Mimi was too involved with Thomas. So the two decided to go check out some of their Uncle Mark's _possessions _instead...

"Hey look! I'm Uncle Mark!"Sam was running around the loft, dressed in one of Mark's shirts, a pair of his old glasses...and holding Mark's precious camera. He wound up the film, and began filming the loft...

"Ooooh! Sam, you're not 'upposed to touch Uncle Mark's stuff!"Kristy taunted.

"But I'm playing Uncle Mark!"Sam insisted.

"Oooh! Then I wanna be Maureen!"Kristy cried excitedly.

"Fine, you can be in my movie!"Sam said, winding up the film again.

"Yay!"Kristy cheered happily. She jumped up onto Mark's bed...and began pulling up her shirt. "Whoo hoo! I'm Maureen! I'm drunked, and I'm gonna take my shirt off!"

* * *

Lucy was toddling around the loft. She had managed to get her hands on a magic marker, and was now looking for some paper...and she happened to come across one of Benny's many eviction notices. Grabbing the notice and the marker, Lucy began to scribble away... 

"Come on, Greta. You know you want to be quiet for your Uncle Mark! _Yes you do! Yes you do!_"Mark had resorted to trying to talk Greta out of crying...which was failing miserably. "Joanne, this baby officially hates me with a burning PASSION!"

"Look Mark, I think I've almost fixed the microwave, then I can help you!"Joanne assured him. Mark sighed...that's when he noticed the twins at his bed.

"I'm a lesbimum!"Kristy screamed, pulling up her shirt again. Sam ran around, still dressed in Mark's clothes, filming his sister as she imitated Maureen.

"This is gonna be my bestest documementarary ever!"he laughed. Mark's jaw dropped. He quickly tossed Greta at Roger, who caught her out of surprise. His guitar slipped, and Mimi dove to catch it, tripping Mark as he ran by. Mark tumbled into Collins and Angel, who had been making out. They both fell over, landing almost on top of Lucy, who was scribbling happily all over the floor. Maureen leapt up in shock, as Joanne jumped, bashing her head in the microwave.

"DAMMIT!"she hollered. Maureen gasped...and Benjamin Coffin III stopped where he was in the doorway.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

**A/N: Okay, this chapter isn't as chaotic and funny as the first few, but trust me, the next day will be! There's a scene with Mark and Roger talking in this, but I just want everyone to know that this is NOT a Mark/Roger story! I just like Mark and Roger's friendship, and I wanted to show some of that. However, if you're a Mark/Roger fan, feel free to make this a Mark/Roger story in your own mind. I'm just not writing it specifically as that. Okay, I'm done, thanks!**

Benny looked at the little boy dressed as Mark, the little girl with her shirt up screaming "I'm a lesbimum" and the heap of people on the floor. All noise stopped as he walked into the loft.

"Wow...you know, it's technically illegal for you to be running a day care in _my _building,"he said.

"They're my nieces and nephews. We're watching them for the weekend,"Mark explained, shoving Angel off of him and standing up. He quickly grabbed the camera from Sam, and pulled Kristy's shirt back down. Lucy giggled, and Benny looked down at her. He picked up the paper she had been drawing on...

"Oh yes. They're related to you all right,"he said, showing the destroyed eviction notice to the others. Roger snickered a little, quickly stopping when Joanne shot him a glare.

"Are you here to help?"Maureen asked teasingly. "I'm sure _you'd _be great with kids..." she snorted.

"I just came to see what all the commotion was,"Benny explained, returning the scribbled notice to Lucy, who gurgled back at him.

"Well now you know. _Bye_,"Roger snapped. Benny merely smiled, the way he always did when the group was insulting him, as if it were some kind of joke. He shrugged.

"I'll see you guys later then. And I'm _still _waiting for the rent..."he said, turning and heading towards the door. Before he left, he turned back. "Hey Roger?"Roger looked up from Greta, who he was still holding.

"Yeah?"he asked.

"You'd make a cute father,"Benny joked. And he laughed as he walked down the stairs. The others all glared after him.

"...is he the bad guy?"Thomas asked, after Benny had left. "He laughs like a bad guy."The others exchanged glances.

"Yeah. That was the bad guy all right..."Roger said, handing Greta back to Mark, obviously ashamed to be seen with her now.

"Fixed!"Joanne suddenly cried. She closed the microwave door, and the little light turned on, the tray spinning around.

"Hey, thanks Joanne! So, you wanna hold the baby now?"Mark asked hopefully. Joanne looked at her watch.

"Oh! It's pretty late. We should all probably be getting home now, so you guys can get the kids to sleep,"Joanne announced. Mark's jaw dropped.

"You're gonna leave us alone with them!"he cried.

"We could stay the night!"Maureen offered excitedly. Joanne grabbed her arm.

"Nuh uh. We ain't sleepin' over _here_, honey bear!"she warned. "We'll be back tomorrow to help you guys out."And Joanne and Maureen were out the door. Collins sighed, putting his arm around Angel's shoulders.

"I guess that's our cue to go,"he said.

"We'll be here first thing tomorrow,"Angel assured them.

"I'll hold you to that!"Mark called after them as the two skipped out the door.

"I've gotta get to work. See you boys later!"Mimi said, waving as she too ran out the door. Mark and Roger stood all alone, the screaming baby in Mark's arms, the other four kids sitting around the loft staring at them. It was going to be a long night...

* * *

So Mark managed to get Sam out of his shirt and glasses and make Kristy stop pretending to be Maureen, while Roger stood there awkwardly holding the crying baby. Then Roger had to get Thomas out of the corner while Mark tried to heat some baby formula. Then, once the twins and Thomas were in bed(which was their sleeping bags on the floor)they realized that they had forgotten about Lucy, and found her in the bathroom throwing toilet water everywhere. Since Mark was warming the baby food, Roger had to get Lucy into her pajamas and clean up the bathroom. Finally, the four kids were in their sleeping bags, and Roger collapsed on the couch, soon joined by Mark, who was feeding the finally silent Greta.

"Oh my God..."Roger moaned, putting his hand in his hands. "Remind me and Mimi _never_ to have kids."

"Well, at least not _five_. I don't know what Cindy was thinking..."Mark said. He looked down at Greta as she sucked on the warm bottle. "Hey Roger?"

"Yeah?"

"Have you ever wondered what it would be like? You know, being a parent?"

"Not really. Why?"

"I dunno...but the thought's never crossed your mind?"

"Well, every once in a while, I guess."

"...do you think we would be good fathers?"Roger just laughed.

"We can barely handle a baby for a day,"he pointed out.

"Yeah...but it would be kind of cool. You know, having little mini-me's of yourself who look up to you and everything,"Mark said. Roger nodded.

"Yeah, I guess that would be kind of cool,"he agreed.

"Uncle Mark?"Mark and Roger both turned to see Sam standing beside the couch, looking miserable.

"Yeah Sam? What's wrong?"he asked.

"I had an _accident_,"Sam said sadly.

"An accident? You mean you...?"Mark trailed off as Sam nodded, tears falling down his cheeks. "Oh man..."Mark and Roger looked at each other.

"I'll get some extra blankets."

"I'll go to the laundromat..."


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

So Mark and Roger were up most of the night trying to get Sam back to sleep. They finally got to sleep themselves at about 3:30...only to be woken up again at 5:00 by Greta, who started crying again. Mark rolled over onto his face, groaning into his pillow.

"I'm not getting her,"Roger called from his bed.

"_I'll_ get her..."Mark moaned, slowly lifting himself out of his bed to go get the screeching baby.

"Uncle Mark?"Apparently, Greta's screams had also woken up some of the others kids. Lucy, Kristy and Thomas were now sitting up, staring at Mark as he picked up Greta.

"Oh! Uh...you're awake,"Mark said awkwardly. "Don't you wanna go back to sleep for a few more hours?"The kids all shook their heads. Mark sighed. "Well...I'm sure Roger would _love_ to play with you guys then!"

"NO!"Roger shouted, covering his face with his pillow. The kids all laughed at this.

"See? Isn't he fun? Go jump on his bed!"Mark urged, as he carried Greta over to the microwave. All the kids ran over to Roger, and jumped up onto his bed. Roger sat up, glaring over at Mark.

"I hate you!"he called. The kids laughed again.

"You're funny!"Kristy said. Roger gave them all a deadpan look.

"You don't get out much, do you?"he asked. The kids also found this hysterical.

"Joke!"Lucy suddenly cried out.

"Yeah! Tell us a joke!"Kristy encouraged.

"I don't know any,"Roger grumbled.

"_Everyone _knows jokes! Tell one!"Kristy commanded. Roger sighed.

"You don't give up, do you?"

* * *

So Kristy, Thomas and Lucy spent the morning demanding jokes and stories from Roger, who responded cynically, to their utter enjoyment. Sam joined them when he woke up, and Mark walked around, feeding Greta...which did not stop her crying this time. So he spent even more time trying to figure out other ways to make her calm down. He tried rocking her, tickling her, bouncing her, burping her...but nothing worked. 

At 7:00, the kids demanded breakfast. So Roger went over to the kitchen...only to realize that they had no food.

"Do you want me to go buy something?"Mark asked, rocking Greta back and forth.

"We don't have enough money,"Roger pointed out.

"Shit...er, isn't Joanne coming soon? We could ask her to bring something-"Mark began. Suddenly the door flung open, and Angel and Collins entered, holding a small white bag.

"Hey there kids!"Angel called.

"ANGEL!"the kids cried happily, jumping off of Roger's bed and running over to greet Angel and Collins.

"Hey, we brought you guys something!"Collins said, holding up the bag.

"Presents!"the kids asked hopefully.

"Even better...cookies!"Collins cried, opening the bag and holding it out for the kids to each take a huge sugar cookie. Mark and Roger looked at each other.

"There's breakfast."

* * *

"Aw, Mark, has that baby stopped crying yet?"Angel asked, as Mark danced around the loft with Greta frantically. 

"Well, she slept for a good three hours last night..."Mark replied. "I fed her this morning and everything! Why won't she stop crying!"Collins suddenly coughed.

"Man, what is that _smell_?"he asked. "Did you guys knock over a trash can or something?"Suddenly Angel's jaw dropped.

"Ooooh...Mark, I know why Greta won't stop crying!"she said. Mark frowned.

"Why?"There was a pause, as he suddenly comprehended. "Oh no! Noooo! I am NOT changing a diaper!"

"Mark, you can't let that thing stink up the whole loft!"Roger snapped.

"But...but..."Mark stuttered, looking at the others for help. Collins leapt up.

"Er...hey kids! Uncle Collins is coming to play with you!"he said, running off.

"So is Uncle Roger!"

"And Auntie Angel!"Mark frowned as his friends abandoned him with the screaming baby.

"Gee, THANKS guys! I'll always be there for you TOO!"he shouted after them. Then he looked down at the wriggling little Greta.

"Oh God..."Suddenly the door opened again. Actually, it came closer to flying off its hinges...

"I'm here! We can start having fun!"Maureen cried, entering the loft.

"Maureen! Where's Joanne?"Mark asked.

"She's busy with something, she said she'd be over later,"Maureen replied. She suddenly grimaced. "Ugh! What is that...?"Then she spotted the baby, and Mark's miserable expression. "Oh."

"Maureen, please tell me you took some sort of baby-sitting class when you were younger!"Mark cried.

"Well...no. But don't worry, we'll figure it out! Come on, I'll help you!"Maureen said, leading Mark over to the counter. Mark put Greta down, backing away as if she were a bomb that was about to explode. Maureen examined her.

"Hmm..."she said, thinking. "You got any duct tape?"

* * *

Ten minutes later, Greta was silent again...wrapped in a large, duct taped diaper. Maureen grinned, satisfied. 

"Not bad, Cohen. I think we've got this baby-sitting thing down pat!"she said happily. And she skipped off to join the others. Mark picked Greta back up...and she began sobbing again. He groaned.

"Not quite..."

Collins was running around playing tag with the twins(he was 'it') so Angel went over to where Lucy was playing with some building blocks.

"Hey sweet pea! What's your name?"she asked. Lucy looked over at Angel...and grinned.

"Lucy,"she answered. Angel gasped.

"What a pretty name! Do you know my name?"she asked.

"Angel!"Lucy said happily.

"Ooh, you're so smart!"Angel giggled, twirling one of Lucy's little red curls. Lucy reached over and grabbed a block.

"Play?"she offered, holding the block out to Angel. Angel smiled.

"Of course!"she said, taking the block. The two worked, building a little tower. When they were done, Lucy clapped.

"Done!"she said proudly.

"Yeah, we did a good job!"Angel agreed. Suddenly Sam came dashing by.

"You can't catch me!"he yelled back to Collins. Collins went stomping by...knocking over Lucy's tower. Angel gasped, and there was a moment of silence as Lucy looked down at her destroyed tower...and she burst into tears.

"Oh no! Don't cry honey! Oh...COLLINS, YOU ASS!"

* * *

Roger had gone off to play his guitar again, not wanting to play tag with the twins. Thomas had followed Roger, obviously not wanting to play either. He sat across from Roger, watching his fingers carefully as he strummed a quiet tune. Roger hadn't even noticed him until he let out a small sneeze. Roger looked up. 

"Oh! Uh...do you want something?"he asked awkwardly. Thomas shook his head.

"No. You can keep playing,"he said. Roger sat uncomfortably for a second...then shrugged, and kept playing. Thomas kept his eyes transfixed on the guitar. Roger looked up again.

"Uh, are you just gonna sit there?"he asked. Thomas stared back at Roger with his big, blue eyes.

"Is that okay? I won't talk, or bother you. I promise,"he said.

"Okay...but I'm not telling jokes, or stories or anything,"Roger insisted.

"Okay,"Thomas replied. There was another pause...and Roger continued playing, Thomas still sitting there. Finally, Roger couldn't take it...

"Look, is there a _reason_ you're sitting here watching me like this?"he demanded.

"I...I like your guitar,"Thomas said.

"Really? Do you play guitar?"Roger asked.

"No. My mom won't let me. She says it's too noisy,"Thomas sighed sadly.

"But...you _want _to play the guitar?"Roger asked. Thomas nodded. Roger sighed. He couldn't believe he was about to do this... "Do you want me to...to teach you a little bit?" Thomas looked up at Roger, almost as disbelieving as Roger himself.

"You would teach me? _Really_?"he asked.

"Sure,"Roger shrugged. A smile finally spread across Thomas' face, as he sat down next to Roger. Roger carefully placed the guitar in Thomas' little lap.

"Okay, you have to be very careful when you hold it...yeah, good, put your fingers like this...right. Okay, this note here is C, that's a good place to start..."

* * *

**Hey guys! Haha, I got a lot of sympathy for poor Sam in the last chapter, that was cute! Benny will be back in the next chapter again though...**

**Rational Lunacy-I DID get your PM, and I responded, but since you haven't been able to check your mail I figured I should tell you! I don't think I'll use your idea for THIS particular story, but it's definitely a great idea for a continuation! Thanks!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

By the time Joanne arrived, the kids were absolutely bouncing off the walls. The twins were running around insanely, screeching and jumping on the furniture. Greta was still wailing, and Mark was still convinced it was because _he_ was holding her. Roger had had to give up on Thomas to help Angel and Collins chase the twins, so Thomas was now jumping all around on the furniture, pretending to be a rock star with an air guitar. Lucy was toddling away from Maureen as fast as she could, laughing and giggling every time she slipped out of Maureen's grasp. Joanne walked into the loft, watching the chaos.

"What on earth is going on!"she demanded.

"The kids are a little hyper-active today!"Mark called over all the noise.

"I can seethat!"Joanne called back. "What did you _do _to them?"

"Well, they got a good night's sleep, they rested all morning...oh yeah, and we gave them sugar cookies for breakfast,"Mark admitted.

"You WHAT!"Joanne cried. "Are you crazy!"

"It was Collins and Angel!"Mark insisted, quickly running away. Joanne sighed, shaking her head.

"Now I'm starting to see why God did not bless these people with children..."

"Angel, get Sam!"

"Who?"

"SAM!"

"Which one is that!"

"The BOY!"

"Oh!"

"AHHHH! PUT ME DOWN!"

"WRONG BOY, ANGEL!"

"Well you weren't specific!"

"Oh no! Oh my God! Oh God!"

"What's wrong Mark?"

"I can't find Greta!"

"The _baby_!"

"YOU LOST THE _BABY_!"

"I just put her down, and now she's gone!"

"You LOST the BABY?"

"YES, I LOST THE BABY!"

"I have her."

"What! Thomas!...why do you have the baby!"

"She was gonna roll off the counter!"

"Oh!...well then, thank you."

"ANGEL! _GET SAM_!"

"I have her!"

"That's KRISTY! Sam is the boy, remember!"

"Oh _right_!"

"Lucy! Oh Lucy! Come out for Auntie Maureen! I'll give you _candy_!"

It was utter pandemonium all over the loft. The gang was running around hysterically after the crazed kids, who were yelling and stomping all around. About a half hour after Joanne's arrival, Mimi showed up, wandering into the middle of the hysteria unexpectedly.

"Hey guys, I-"Lucy accidentally went running right into Mimi.

"MIMI, GRAB HER!"Maureen hollered. Mimi grabbed the little girl quickly, picking her up.

"_Ahem_."They all turned to see none other than Benny, standing at the door, looking furious.

"Oh...hi Benny,"Mark greeted awkwardly. He was holding Greta up in the air as she screamed. Collins was holding Sam upside down by the ankles. Angel was leaning over the back of the couch, her behind up in the air. Roger was holding Kristy in his arms as she kicked and fought with him, and Maureen and Mimi were both holding a struggling Lucy. Thomas was yet again crouched in the corner, a frightened look on his face. "What can we do for you?"

"Could you please try to keep it down up here! I'm in the middle of a meeting with my-"

"Father-in-law?"Roger finished. Benny sighed.

"Yes. And some very important business execs. So try and keep the kids calm for a little bit, or I _will _start charging you for this!"he threatened. And he turned, walking out the door. Mark made a face as Benny walked away, and Greta stopped crying, giggling a little.

"Is the bad guy gone?"Thomas asked, crawling out of the corner.

"Yeah, he's gone..."Mark said.

"What a jerk! I'd like to see _him_ come up here and try to take care of a kid!"Maureen yelled after Benny.

"Grrr,"Lucy added.

"I hope his meeting blows,"Collins said, lowering Sam back onto his feet. Angel lifted herself back up.

"Somehow I doubt that will happen. Things _always _seem to go just the way Benny Coffin plans them,"she pointed out.

"Yeah. Just once I'd like to see some of HIS plans get messed up,"Roger agreed, also putting Kristy down.

"Well right now, I could care less about Benny and his stupid meeting. All _I_ wish is that these guys didn't have so much energy!"Mark moaned, looking down at Greta, who was now hiccuping. Suddenly Maureen's face lit up.

"That's it!"she cried. The others all looked at her curiously.

"Uh oh. You have that look. It's _never_ good when you have that look..."Joanne said. Maureen grinned.

"Come on! I have a plan..."

* * *

Fifteen minutes later, the bohemians and the kids were all ready to go...Maureen had given them all pots, pans and utensils, told them all to put on their shoes, had come up with a dance that involved the pots and pans, and had instructed them all to 'moo' as loud as they could.

"Okay...on the count of three, we all start the dance, all banging our pots and pans. Then, when I give the signal, we start moo-ing too! Okay?"Maureen asked. The kids(and Angel)all nodded excitedly.

"Great! Are you ready, Roger?"Roger stood in the corner with his guitar all hooked up to the amplifier. He gave a thumbs up sign.

"Okay, here it goes! Three...two...one...GO!"Roger began playing horribly on his guitar, and it was as loud as possible. The others all ran around the loft, making sure to stomp their feet down as hard as they could as they ran, banging their pots and pans. Maureen lead them all, singing as she jumped up and down on Mark's bed. Collins, Angel, Joanne and Mimi all ran around with the kids, screeching and banging their pots happily. Mark stomped around, bouncing Greta, who was screaming along(though not crying)and Roger continued to play as bad as he possibly could.

Not two minutes later, Benny was back in the doorway.

"_What are you_...?"he trailed off as he looked around the room at them all. They all turned, glaring at him as he walked in.

"START MOO-ING!"Maureen commanded. And they all turned to Benny, moo-ing as loud as they could. Benny scowled, opening and closing his mouth several times, trying to decide whether or not to yell back...finally he gave up, shooting them one last dangerous look and slamming the door behind him before storming down the stairs. Roger immediately stopped, as Maureen began to cheer.

"Yay! We did it!"she cried. All the kids began cheering too, as well as the bohemians.

"That was SO much fun!"Sam cried. "We never get to do THAT at home!"

"I wanna be like Maureen when I grow up!"Kristy exclaimed.

"I liked when Roger played the guitar!"Thomas added.

"MOO!"Lucy continued to yell. Greta let out a happy squeal. The gang all grinned as the kids chatted excitedly about the mini-protest.

An hour later, all the kids were collapsed on their sleeping bags, exhausted from all the excitement, and the sugar.

"Maureen Johnson, you are a genius!"Collins cried, hugging Maureen.

"Not only did we successfully ruin Benny's day...but we absolutely wore out the little devils!"Angel said happily.

"A protester's work is never done. Why not incorporate kids? Actually, that's not a bad idea, I should start getting poor kids to be in my protests-"Maureen began.

"We'll talk about that later..."Joanne, also Maureen's production manager, interrupted.

"Wow...if only Cindy knew what we were doing. I don't think she'd ever let the kids come back here again!"Mark laughed.

"You say that like it's a bad thing..."Roger snorted.

"Well, I'm kind of having fun,"Mimi admitted.

"Yeah, they're not SO bad once you get used to them,"Collins agreed.

"Makes you wonder what we would be like as parents, huh?"Mimi said. The group all stopped, thinking about that idea...and they all just burst out laughing.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**

**Okay everyone, this is(sadly)the final chapter of the story! And just so you know, something weird is going on and changing most of my question marks to exclamation points, so if there's an exclamation where it seems like it should be a question...it's not my fault! Thanks!**

When the kids woke up from their nap, the gang had had a chance to relax and regroup. Roger was sitting on the couch with his guitar, Mimi next to him. Maureen and Joanne were attempting to clean off the counter, arguing with each other about where to put things. Mark was running around trying to pick up toys, and Angel and Collins were nowhere to been seen. Thomas, Sam, Kristy and Lucy all walked over to the couch.

"Hey sleepy heads!"Mimi greeted.

"Angel and Collins went to go get you some dinner. They should be back soon,"Mark explained as he tossed Big Bird into the corner.

"Maureen! Don't just dump stuff on the floor like that!"Joanne snapped.

"Well what am I supposed to do with it? There's nowhere to put this crap!"Maureen snapped back.

"Crap!"Lucy repeated happily.

"Oh, no honey, don't repeat after Maureen, that's _not _a good idea..."Mimi warned, lifting Lucy up onto her lap. Sam and Kristy plopped down on the floor, sitting cross legged before Roger. Thomas crawled up onto the couch next to him, watching him with admiration as he played the tune to "Musetta's Waltz"

"Don't you know any _good _songs?"Kristy demanded. Roger stopped, looking at her.

"Like what?"he asked.

"Like Twinkle Twinkle Little Star!"Kristy said.

"Or Yankee Doodle!"Sam added.

"London Bridge!"Lucy cried. Mimi laughed as Roger let out a deep breath.

"Okay...London Bridge it is,"he said. And he began playing a new, rather interesting version of 'London Bridge' on his guitar. The kids all clapped and sang along, as did Mimi, bouncing Lucy on her lap. Mark looked over at Mimi and Roger surrounded by all the kids. He grinned.

"Hey, guys..."he hissed to Maureen and Joanne. They looked up. Mark motioned to the couch.

"Awww!"Maureen sighed. "That's priceless! I never pictured Roger, of all people, being so good with kids!"

"You know, he and Mimi having kids some day might not be such a crazy idea after all,"Joanne agreed.

"Yeah. As much as he likes to pretend he doesn't, Roger really does have a big old heart under there,"Mark added. He slowly snuck over to his camera, grabbing it and silently winding it up, filming Roger, Mimi and the kids secretly...

"Dinner time!"Collins and Angel came bursting through the door, the way they always did. The kids all jumped up, and Mark quickly threw his camera down.

"What did you get, Collins?"Joanne asked, pulling up a fourth chair at the counter.

"What else? McDonald's!"Collins laughed, holding up the Happy Meals bags. Joanne sighed.

"Great, let's get them all wired up again..."she sighed. "There is just no getting through to you people!"

"Collins! I thought we were boycotting McDonald's!"Maureen cried suddenly.

"Hey, you try finding another restaurant in the East Village that kids can eat from!"Collins argued.

"And that we can afford..."Mark added.

"FOOD!"Lucy yelled, leaping off of Mimi's lap and running over to Collins.

"She's been living with Mark and Roger all right!"Angel joked. The kids all gathered around the counter as Collins passed out the Happy Meals.

"Everyone throw out your toys, we don't support the child labor used to make them!"Maureen cried, running around snatching the little plastic cars and dolls from the kids. Suddenly Greta, who had been sleeping peacefully, woke up, letting out more of her hideous screams. Mark winced.

"...there goes my quiet evening..."he sighed. He walked over to the small bassinet that Joanne had set up for Greta, picking up the small, flailing baby. "She hates me! She absolutely _hates_ me! I can't even _hold _this baby without her bursting into tears!"he groaned.

"Well that's because you're holding her all wrong!"Mimi cried suddenly. "Look, you have to support her head, like this..."Mimi ran over, taking Mark's hands and rearranging them until he was holding Greta right. At that moment, Greta's sobs turned into whimpers, and eventually died out altogether. Mark looked from Greta to Mimi in shock.

"How did you...?"Mimi shrugged.

"It's a girl's instinct,"she replied. Mark grinned widely.

"That was amazing!"he cried. Mimi just laughed, walking back over to where Roger was sitting, across from Joanne and Maureen who were now happily making out. The kids all watched them curiously.

"Are you guys sisters? 'Cause you don't _look _like sisters..."Thomas commented.

"No, they're homosexualists! It means they kiss other girls and its okay!"Kristy announced very matter-of-factly. Collins nearly squirted vodka out his nose, and Mimi and Angel fell out of their seats laughing. Mark's jaw dropped.

"_Maureen_! What did you TELL them!"he shrieked. Maureen just grinned.

"Well, they were gonna find out sooner or later! Why not sooner? They're _learning_, Mark!"she replied.

"It's nothing to be ashamed of, kids!"Angel said, picking herself up off the floor. "It's fine if you're a boy and you like boys, and the same with girls."

"What if you don't like either?"Thomas asked curiously.

"Well Thomas, then you're like your Uncle Mark, and you masturbate-"

"_ROGER_! I think the kids can stop _learning _right about now!"

* * *

After dinner, the group all gathered together in the living room again. Roger played more songs for the kids, who sat around him excitedly. Lucy sat with Mimi, who stayed beside Roger. Angel sat on Collins' lap, and Maureen held Greta as Mark filmed the sing-a-long. Joanne stood over Maureen, enjoying this gentler side of her for a change. It was truly a sight that no one who knew these people would expect to see.

At around 9:00, there was a knock on the door. Mark answered it to find Cindy there, beaming as usual.

"Hey Mark!"she greeted. The kids all looked up...and went running to the door.

"Mommy!"they cried, all hugging their mother.

"Oh, daddy and I missed you all so much!"Cindy said, kneeling down to hug them all back. "Now go get your stuff so we can get home!"The kids all ran off to grab their sleeping bags. Cindy turned to Mark. "So tell me honestly...how were they?"

"They were perfect,"Mark replied.

"Oh, really? I'm so glad things worked out!"Cindy said excitedly, bouncing a little. "Now I can make you guys official babysitters!"The looks on the other's faces was priceless, and Mark had to stop himself from laughing.

"Yeah, well, I think they had fun here,"he replied. The kids all came to the door, sleeping bags in hand. Maureen walked over, handing Greta to Cindy carefully.

"Was she any...trouble?"Cindy asked, suddenly frowning at the duct taped diaper...

"None!"Mark said, forcing a grin. Cindy looked around the loft at the odd group of baby sitters one last time.

"Well, thanks again. All of you. I'll call you later, Mark! Come on kids..."And Cindy lead the kids out the door.

"Mommy, Uncle Mark's friends are SO cool!"

"Yeah, Roger taught me to play on his guitar!"

"And we got to moo at the bad guy!"

"Angel was a BOY, but he wears dresses!"

"We learned so many new words that we need to tell you and daddy..."As soon as the door closed behind them, the bohemians all let out a sigh simultaneously.

"Okay...we seriously need to get drunk!"Collins announced.

"Life Cafe?"Mark asked.

"Let's go!"

_**ONE WEEK LATER**_

"SPEAK."Roger and Mark's voices rang out on the answering machine. There was a beep...

"_Hey, Mark, it's Cindy...look, I'm not sure what exactly happened over the weekend, but ever since the kids have come back, they've all been acting so strangely! Sam keeps putting on Kristy's dresses, and he won't wear his pants! And the other day Kristy told all the girls in her class it was okay to be 'lesbimums', and she keeps telling me that she wants to marry a girl and...and Thomas won't stop talking about guitars, and your friend Roger! He keeps putting on rock music and jumping around...And Lucy hasn't stopped moo-ing since she came home, and she's been saying some words that I'm pretty sure she didn't know before! Greta won't stop crying whenever Rich picks her up now, I think she misses you...and the kids keep protesting everything Rich and I tell them! They moo at us, Mark! OUR KIDS ARE MOOING AT US! Mark, please call me back, I don't know what to do!_"In the background of the message you could hear a screaming baby, lots of 'moo-ing' and a boy's voice yelling 'But daddy, I wanna wear the pink dress to school!', not to mention loud rock music blasting and shouts of random swears. As the message ended, Roger and Mark exchanged grins.

"How long before she lets the kids come back?"Roger asked.

"Oh, I'll give 'em until Greta is 13, at the soonest,"Mark replied. And the two laughed.

Perhaps La Vie Boheme was just not meant for children.

_**LA FIN**_

**So that's the end of the story! I'm glad people liked it so much, and I wish there was more I could add...but after a while, these kids would start to get annoying! Thanks for all your inputs and ideas, and making this such a fun story for me to write!**


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